I am officially depressed. I could sit here and cry the day away, but I won't. So far, I have mowed the front and back yards, as well as whacked weeds. I took a shower, but that just started the tears. I am hopeless. My life seemed so good as I entered 2018. 2017 began on December 30, 2016, with Ron's accident. It was bad, very bad, but we made it. The wedding began a new chapter, when Ron regained his mobility, and we had that great trip to California. I came down for my first snowbird year, and I found a new life away from the cold and ice.
We also celebrated our 45th anniversary, and the trip to the Keys was heavenly, even though the weather sucked. By then, the undertone of Elaine's illness had been peeking out at me. I was helpless to do anything about that, and we returned home to wait for our granddaughter. I stayed busy, and she finally came on July 12. It was a very special time, but the glow wore off quickly, as I began my troubles with Daniel. He has hurt me, time and again, until I now feel like giving up. Oh, and Elaine 's illness turned out to be cancer.
Today feels like the beginning of a holiday season that will leave me standing outside, peering at the happy families. We are invited to Thanksgiving dinner, but I don't want to go. The easiest part is that we have the perfect excuse. Elaine may or may not be able to go. Sadly, I kind of hope she isn't. I see the holiday stuff, and it just makes me sadder. I am not looking forward to any of it.
I just sent GG a text. I told her that I have paid their car repair bill. That's Christmas. I wish it was just over. I don't want any presents, any decorations, any special foods. I want normal. I won't be getting that.
Ron is supposed to drive down tomorrow. Maybe his presence will help. Maybe it won't. I don't feel like anything is going to get better. Right now I only hope that I can feel well enough to fake it for Elaine 's sake. I know that I have many blessings. It's just hard to feel blessed right now.
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